A Bit of a Do

Last night I was invited to an Emirati wedding in Madinat Zayed.  Now I’m not sure what you know about Muslim weddings, or Muslim weddings out in the sticks.  I wasn’t completely ignorant, nor was I fully in the know.

I asked all the right questions at least (of my host – who wasn’t the groom, but that didn’t seem to matter to him, or anyone else as it turned out.  For information only, and there will be questions at some point, the groom was soon to be my hosts Brother-in-Law – he was marrying my hosts wife’s sister……..I think…….).  What should I wear, should I take a gift, was there a bar, did I need money, could I take a camera etc. etc. etc. So from that point of view I didn’t feel particularly out of place – that fact that I was the only suit in the place was a bit disconcerting, never mind that I was the only white face !

I’ll try and set the scene for you – the marriage takes place at the official “Wedding Hall” (there are two in MZ, on run by the Municipality, who are the sort of local council, and the other run by the Co-op I think.  I know that the Co-op one is hired out for other things such as graduation ceremonies, but I also know that the Municipality one isn’t – are you keeping up ?).

Actually, there are two halls on each site, one for the men and one for the women and huge (symbolically) locked gates and an 8 foot wall between them.  I say symbolically because rather a lot a small children (boys at least), seemed to be running backwards and forwards between the two !
So, as far as the women’s side of things goes, I have absolutely no idea what happens in there……. I’m guessing something similar to the men’s side, just less noisy.  I say that because, for most of the evening (I got there just after 7 as instructed, and it wasn’t really off the ground by then) we sat outside in the car park – or that’s how it seemed.  The a very large part of the outside area had been carpeted and had armchairs lining it…….

And set up in the middle were the band (well, not so much a band as a male voice choir……but not as we know it………)

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/video/video.php?v=10150562304174721

That “singing” was kept up, pretty much like that, for 2 hours, with a break for prayers in the middle where those that do, and it’s by no means all of them, did.

There was the usual mad uncle, who in this case would seem to have been sober, and therefore really mad…………I have videos of the mad uncle dancing but for some reason I shot them in portait and now they are laying on their side and I can't seem to eb able to turn them up the right way.........)

We got constant supplies of tea and biscuits,

as well as copious amounts of fruit…..

The only problem was the constant up and down to shake hands with everyone.  It is custom (apparently) as you arrive you go and greet the groom, in my case shake hands and in everyone else’s case, the good old fashioned nose kiss.  That last statement will take way too much explanation, and I’m not sure that I’ve fully understood the detail, but briefly, shaking hands isn’t the only way of greeting people in the Middle East (and it varies in different parts, just to add further confusion !) but in the UAE greetings start with a handshake for people you don’t know, move up through cheek kissing (the more sides the better you know them, or maybe it’s the other way around……) and then when you get to best mates and relatives, the nose comes into play.  There are degrees of this as well, from just touching noses to full blown beak fencing for your favourite brother !

I’m never sure whether I’m upset or not that all I ever get is a handshake (I did get a hug from some of my staff before I went home at Christmas, but I’m not sure where that comes into the equation !).  It’s worth noting that anything like this with Emirate women is strictly taboo – you don’t even offer them a hand to shake unless they offer you one first (which they never have in all my time here).  Generally I get to talk to a full face veil, which I always find a little disconcerting !

So the getting up and down thing comes about because after you have gone and offered your commiserations to the groom you turn left and work your way along the line, and round the corner, and along the line (etc.) until you find somewhere to sit, all the time shaking hands (in my case) or nose kissing to various degrees (in my hosts case).  Trouble is, as soon as you sit down, you’re back up again shaking hands with the people coming along behind you…….. there were only about 300 blokes there I’m guessing, and I reckon that I shook hands with most of them !  And all the time, in the background, si that bloody music !

Even my host got bored after a while (and there’s only so much tea and fruit juice you can drink) and suggested that we went and took some pictures with the groom……….

(he’s the one in the swanky cloak in case you were wondering……), and the wall and the gate behind us is the dividing line between male and female !

Eventually, everyone gets tired of the noise, the tea and the dancing, and the groom decides it’s time to eat – I didn’t take my camera into the meal, but I did take a picture before everyone got there……

Lamb and camel were on the menu (and it tastes a bit like lamb before you ask).  I was given a spoon nut decided to try and eat with my fingers like everyone else – I have to say that civilised goes out of the window at this point, and I personally can’t see the point of making such a mess, but hey, who am I to question thousands of years of civilization (I think I probably ate less than I would have done is I’d used a spoon, so there’s something I guess !)

I left at this point (as did my host – his youngest was tired, he was only 4 and it was 10 o’clock by then.  As a matter of interest, my host has 4 children, and I’m guessing that he’s not much older than 30, if that and only one wife.  He does, however, have 29 brothers and sisters, and 17 mothers or step-mothers – his father had 17 wives……..I had one down as being rather a lot of trouble…….)…..

Apparently the groom then goes to “claim his bride from the other hall, where he has to sit with her for half an hour or so (Lord only knows what they do or talk about) and then he is free to take her off on honeymoon.

All very interesting, but frankly not a patch on drinking too much and chasing the bridesmaids around the dance floor !

Today I decided that I couldn’t put off trying to get some swimming training in somehow, so I drove to the beach (about an hour away) with the intention of getting a good 1000m sea swimming in (I have to do 1500m in 2 weeks’ time !).  Trouble was, I hadn’t given one jot of thought to tides.  In Dubai, where I usually swim, there really isn’t much of a tide to speak of and besides, there’s a big shelf just off shore so you are always in deepish water.  Where I went today was 250km further South than Dubai and clearly has a large tide difference as I had to walk and wade half way to Qatar to get into water that was barely swim friendly.  I think the tide was going out further as well as I kept swimming further out looking for deeper water, all to no avail.  I’m not sure what I actually did in the end, in terms of distance, but anything was better than nothing and it was probably at least 800m, although half the time I couldn’t do front crawl because the water wasn’t deep enough !

Next week I have to go to Dubai as I’m running in a 10k there and picking up my new bike (fingers crossed), so I think I’ll have to make an effort to go for a sea swim on the Thursday night (if I get back before dark) or on the Friday after the race.

Apart from all that, I don’t think I have a great deal of news.  I have most of my furniture in my new apartment (I only have one of three wardrobe doors, and the sofa is a slightly different colour to everything else, and I still don’t have any internet yet – but I guess you can’t have everything !) but we can see what the next week brings on those fronts.

Psycho has gone but I’ve managed to go for 2 runs and a swim without her – we’ll see how that one goes in the future…….. I need to find someone else I think, or at least have a proper training programme, or something that will get me off my arse !  The new bike should solve a third of the problems, and the running shouldn’t be too much of an issue – it’s just the swimming.  Not having an instantly accessible pool is a pain, and I’m not sure, other than pay through the nose at the local hotel, what the answer is.  I guess we should get the next couple of weeks successfully out of the way first and then concentrate the rest of February on the arrival of the family for a holiday and the run up to the Abu Dhabi International Triathlon (which in a very strange way, I’m looking forward to more than anything else).  I’ve agreed to do the AD tri for sponsorship – so watch out for the JustGiving.com address that will appear in the next few days !

Right, I’m off to bed now and I’ll post this up in the morning (when I know that the office will be open so I can use their internet !).

I’m Not Sure I Should Be Telling You This…..

But last weekend I bought a new bike……… When I say I bought a new bike, as always, it’s a bit more complicated than that.  Firstly I haven’t actually got it yet.  I’ve ordered it – well, to be absolutely clear, I’ve specified the detail and it’s being built for me.  Also, when I say I’ve bought it, if we’re going to be really clear then I have to say that I’ve paid a large ish deposit and am now reliant on my wonderful, over-worked and thoroughly appreciated wife to make a bank transfer in the UK.

I can all hear you saying that I should have saved up and paid for it myself, and I agree – it was all in hand and then the shop I was going to get it from (and am now getting it from) decided to have a sale and if you bought anything in the sale then you had to pay 100% before the end of the sale (which is the end of January).  So I had intended to hire a bike from them for the Triathlon at the beginning of February, having ordered my bike the week before, paid the deposit in January and then picked it up later in February, paying the rest then……… are you still with me ?  Anyway, the upshot is that I’ve ordered a new bike which looks something like this (only in Black):

And my wonderful over-worked and fully appreciated wife is making the cash flow problem go away until I can get the money back to her a few days later – on the upside, I won’t have to hire a bike for the February Triathlon, I can ride my own !  It’s called a Planet X Stealth if you’re desperately keen to know more about it before I can get it back and take a better picture.  I think that’s enough for this blog, but I can tell you that I’m jolly excited !

I should explain that this took place on Friday – this meant that I drove from my desert home to Dubai, then from Dubai to the bottom of Abu Dhabi Island (more of this in a minute) and then back to the desert.  In total a round trip of approximately 598.4km.  When I filled up the following day (having done  total of 630km the total bill was AED 65, just shy of 11 pounds - Not bad me thinks !

Back to the story though, I went from Dubai to AD via IKEA to get a couple of things for the apartment and then on to the Volvo Ocean Village.  This is the quay where the Volvo Ocean Round the World Yachts have been staying since they docked around New Years Eve and Friday was the last night before they took off for China on the next leg.





All very interesting, and once again it has to be said, an opportunity to see something that not many others around the world would get to.  All topped off with loads to look at and do, and then a free concert by The Straits (to those of us old enough to remember, they used to be Dire Straits but only have two of the original members so have changed their name accordingly…… or maybe they’re just not Dire anymore ?).

All very lovely, followed by a long, happy, drive back to the desert.

Generally, life here is as it always has been, with little hiccups to keep you on your toes.  I’m looking forward to getting my bike because I can then start to train properly for the bike bit of the Triathlon instead of either on a gym bike or not at all.  My next priority is to sort out a pool for the swimming bit.  I thought I only had one option (paying through the nose for access to the only decent hotel pool – actually, there is another option, which is to drive for about an hour to the beach and then use the sea !) but through work last week another option presented itself.

I was with one of my staff visiting a school and then he said that we were going to visit another school on the way home to look at a job that had come in overnight on the Help Desk.  Turned out a window had shattered (which is quite common here, I think the heat has something to do with it, as probably does poor manufacturing), and it turned out to be in a primary school, in a building housing a perfect 25m swimming pool……….  I’ve given my senior staff member the task of approaching the Principle and seeing if he can get access for an International Triathlete (that’s me by the way……. Well, I’m not a local and I am competing in the AD International Triathlon in March……..) for 3 – 4 hours a week, out of hours of course.  The schools have 24hr security so it shouldn’t be a problem access wise, but we will see how the attitude holds up………. I’m not holding my breath but it would be a bit of coup if we could pull it off !

I did my first entertaining in the new apartment last night.  Psycho came round for dinner (to be fair, she supplied the lamb shanks and brought the wine !).  It was supposed to be dinner after circuit training but when we got to the park it turned out to be Ladies Night and I wasn’t allowed in.  For reason I won’t trouble you with, she went for a run in the park and I went back to the apartment and cooked dinner.  In case you’re concerned about my fitness levels, be assured that we are going back tonight for circuits and then will be running Yas tomorrow – probably our last outing together for some time L  The plan is to do an Ironman Triathlon somewhere in the world around July 2013 (although we are struggling to find one as it’s hot countries off-season and neither of us, for some strange reason, want to go to Bolton in the UK.  We’re looking further afield towards South Africa or California now……. Well, a man’s got to have a dream !  We did identify a Half-Ironman in Sri Lanka the day before my 50^th birthday and 4 days after her 35^th in Feb 14 – now if that doesn’t look like a good family holiday then I really don’t know what does !

That’s about it from me for this weekend.  I’ll try and find something to tell you before the end of the week, just for the sake of keeping you interested you understand………

As Promised

I seem to remember that I’d update you all on the goings-on down at the Moreeb Dune with the Abu Dhabi Motors Festival.

I “popped” down there on Wednesday to make sure that we were doing our job properly (which, of course, we were !) and to take the opportunity to observe some camel and horse racing – all very lovely and Arabic and interesting.

As you will recall, after that we went and watched some of the dune buggies being generally silly – I can tell you that it only got more silly over the next two days !  I’ve uploaded more photographs and videos onto my Facebook account, and I assume that you can all view them because nobody has told me anything different ?

I’ll leave you to work out whether I had a good time or not but the presence of V8 racing cars, heavily modified quad and motorbikes, freshly cooked Shwarmas and a ready made excuse to leave work early to attend should give you a pretty good clue !

You may also recall that I have now moved into my new apartment (or to be more specific, the companies apartment) in Madinat Zayed.  The company decided to take on this apartment as we quickly worked out that it would pay for itself in about 35 days by not having to use the only hotel in the area.  It’s been a bit of a struggle to find one, get it furnished (which is still an on-going struggle), get the utilities turned on and get moved in.

Atually moving in was the easy bit !  The furniture has been a slightly different prospect.  It was agreed that I would select the furniture that we would require and that the landlord would buy it.  I tried to simplify this by selecting everything from IKEA (because you can pretty much get everything from there and they’ll deliver to the area – which surely has to be helpful ?).  Trouble is, IKEA won’t do orders on-line or over the phone and therefore I had to provide the landlord with a list and they had to go to Abu Dhabi and order it all and get it delivered – you wouldn’t have thought that this could be that difficult……..

I suspect that the language barriers didn’t help (the Landlords people only speak Arabic, the list was in English and the IKEA staff are all Indian/somewhere similar !).  The upshot is that I have 3 quarters of what was on the list, I had to go to IKEA and organize my own mattresses, I have a list of stuff that I’m going to sort out myself this evening and I have at least two things in the apartment that aren’t complete and that I can’t sort out myself because I didn’t make the original order (I have a wardrobe with no doors and a chair in pieces with no screws – I am taking the glass half full attitude with the wardrobe as it could have just as well been the other way around and I could have had the doors with no wardrobe and I wouldn’t have been a happy bunny in those circumstances !)

So that’s tonight’s challenge (as well as running two laps of the Yas Marina F1 circuit) – wish me luck !  I have to limit any potential damage to my finances by firstly taking back one or two things that were ordered that we don’t need and getting access to the credit note that the Landlord has concerning the 3 mattresses that were sent back originally because they were the wrong size.  To be fair, the last time I had to go and get something on their behalf (the mattresses) they paid me back in full the next morning so I’m not expecting any drama.

As we are on the subject of drama, since I moved in on Thursday I haven’t had any electricity (you wouldn’t believe me – but I’m going to tell you anyway, but as I was typing that last sentence the Abu Dhabi Distribution Company actually turned up at my apartment to connect me so forget that I wrote the last sentence !).

The drama involved with the simplest things in this part of the world can be exhausting – in this case, although I have signed a tenancy agreement with the landlord I couldn’t have any electricity because I don’t have my residency visa sorted out yet (which is an entirely different administrative set of long winded cockups perpetuated by someone different !) so the landlord has kindly agreed to reconnect it under his name until my papers are sorted (I suspect that the internet is going to prove a step to far in that direction but we can see if we can circumnavigate the system somehow !).  I guess it would have been more helpful if he hadn’t have cut it off in the first place (like we asked him not too………) but I guess you can’t have everything – I’ve done well not to burn the place down whilst we haven’t had any lights except candles, and I can happily live on Shwarmas and falafels so that hasn’t been an issue, and I’ve “utilized” the local hotel a couple of times for showers after I’ve had a swim and been to the gym (I guess I’m going to have to pay at some point because eventually they are going to notice that I’m no longer a resident despite the fact that I’ve been there every day for the last week for some reason or other – it’s the best part of aed 550 for a month’s membership, which is all bike money.  I guess I’mgoing to have to bite the bullet at some point because as swimming is a fundamental part of being a Triathlete and the Tilal Liwa has the only accessible pool for about 100km, it’s a bit of a no-brainer !

Anyway (I was rambling a bit there……), in summary, I have electricity now and as soon as I’ve put a plug on the cooker (tonight) and put up the shower curtain that I’m buying  in IKEA tonight (tonight) I’ll be able to have a hot shower and a hot meal – I’m going to get a kettle today or tomorrow and then I’ll be in clover !  So, if all goes to plan, I’ll be sitting on my new sofa drinking coffee and reading my book by Friday morning – wish me luck again !

Changing the subject back to more mundane things, I noticed today that I haven’t had a drink for a week, which considering there was a time when I worried that I had a drink problem, isn’t a bad thing to “notice”.  I’ve also given up smoking for the customary 2 weeks before a race (but then I have another race a week after that so it’ll be nearly a month in the end) so I may be a little tetchy for a day or two, but I’m sure my colleagues enjoy listening to me discussing issues with Head Office !

Last night Psycho and I went out for dinner in Madinat Zayed, which was the first time I’ve been to any of the restaurants in MZ.  We had the usual kebab type meal with the usual hummus and salad etc.  and the bill was a pleasing aed 30 each (about 5 English pounds to waddle out completely stuffed !) so I suspect I will be doing that again at some point in the near future !  Psycho’s off next week so I doubt we will get time to try anywhere else (not that there is much else – although I did get a pizza delivery menu through the door over the weekend) so it was nice to do something different.

I’m sure that there’s loads of other things to tell you all about but I’ve got to get my act together and go to AD to IKEA and to one of the schools that we might use when the rest of the family move over – add, having the right kit for a run around Yas to the equation and I have a number of things to think about before I set off on a 200km drive !

I’ve uploaded all the photos I have from the weekend, as well as a few video’s (in the last few days) – here’s the link to the photos - http://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/media/set/?set=a.10150535846129721.392074.846004720&type=1

Let me know if you can’t get access – I don’t know what I’ll do about it but it’ll be nice to know if someone has tried !

Until next time !

Camels & Cars

Every now and then something comes along which makes you wonder just exactly what other people are doing at that very moment – today was one of those days.

I have some fairly diverse buildings and facilities within my portfolio, and I’m sure some of the others will crop up at some point, and I also have some very ordinary ones in some diverse places.  Today’s trek was to one of those (I’m sure I’ve already mentioned it in the recent past, but, as usual, I can’t be arsed to go and look it up – you can go back and have a look, it’ll do you good !).

We manage a few “clubhouses” for the Abu Dhabi Motors Club, which on the whole isn’t as exciting as it might first seem.  However, we do manage the clubhouse at the largest dune in the world (apparently – the dune thing, not the clubhouse).  It’s called the Moreeb Dune (which I’m informed means scary !) and true to form the locals have turned it into a playground.  It’s 25km off the beaten track, directly South, off the bottom of the UAE map essentially, fairly close to the Saudi border, and right on the edge of what’s called the Empty Quarter (look it up !).

So they built a race track there – obviously, what else would you do !  Only this race track is vertical.  There is another track there as well, and it probably a little more traditional, for camels and horses (hence the title of the blog).  We’ll start with camel racing……….

 

I’ve heard the expression “chaotic, even by Arab standards” (apparently used by the British Ambassador at the official ceremony to launch the Union of the seven Emirates to form the UAE), and have always thought it was a little unfair, however, today, all that changed.  We arrived, I thought a little late, and expected to see things in full flow, to be greeted by what could only be described as a pile of camels, and having been dissapointed by camel racing in the past, my heart dropped a notch……

 

But I shouldn’t have worried – we hung around for half an hour, drinking in the atmosphere of Royal Ascot, when suddenly, and for no decernable reason, up jumped a load of camels, handlers, 4x4s, press, you name it – and off we went.  I’m not sure you’ll get the full feeling from the video (assuming I can get it uploaded OK) but it sort of summed up the British Ambassador……..

http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=10150524220759721&notif_t=video_processed

Mind you, the finish was even better !

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?v=10150524212954721

Then came the horses – there was only two horse races (there were probably at least 10 camel races in quick succession), and as they started from right over on the other side of the track I’ve only got a picture of the finish I’m afraid…….

Not really your average Point-to-Point I guess, but the principle is sound enough.

Whilst all this was going on, and as you may have noticed from the pictures and videos, the quad bikes and 4x4s were starting to circle, and then things started to get a bit more extreme………

……so we de-camped to the dune itself……..

http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=10150524310329721

The real racing starts tomorrow night with the motorcycle championships, under floodlights obviously, with the buggys, and the serious hotrods (these are just play things…..) on Friday night.  I’ll almost certainly be going, so you’ll just have to hold on until then !

The only other news is that I ran Yas Circuit last night (twice = 11km, in 57 mins if byone is remotely interested, which considering that it was on the back of Christmas, a heavy cold and in new trainers, I was quite pleased with myself !), I should move into my new apartment in Madinat Zayed tomorrow (I hope so – as hospitable and generous as Psycho has been there are only so many nights that you can spend on a sofa at my age !).  I spent a fun time at IKEA last night trying to sort out the three mattresses which somehow got cocked up on the original order and have meant that I couldn’t move in, but, and I mean but, subject to them  actually arriving tomorrow, I should be able to move in and start sorting things out…..which will be nice !.

Right, I’m off for a rummage in the fridge to see what we can turn into real food !

Oh, and for those of you who were worried about who was policing these events to make sure that they are conducted in a healthy and safe manner, and I know that was surely the next question on your lips…….

Well…….. it had to be done really didn’t it !

Time for a Christmas Blog I suppose !

Happy Christmas everyone – I’m flying home on Thursday (only two more sleeps !).  It’s probably a good thing as my fingers seem to have lost the power of co-ordination (if that’s actually a power……was there a Power Ranger with Co-ordination – debate !)

It’s been almost 3 months to the day since I left to start a new job out here, and we’ve been through thick and thin (mostly thick but that’s another topic altogether !) and I have to say that 3 months away is to long for me, or at least apart.  It seemed to get to about 2.95 months and then it wasn’t helpful any more…..as you may have noticed with the drop off in the blog writing.

There have been other reasons for that I have to say – the general lack of interest from my readers wasn’t a specific one (I now have more readers in the US and Russia than I do in the UK – so put that in your pipe and smoke it !).  We have almost topped 500 page views in that time, which is probably above average (well, my average at least), and this will be the 20^th blog that I’ve written, which is well below average for me, but to be honest, you’ve probably heard it all before now !

The new job is definitely one of the reasons.  It all went live at the beginning of December, with me leading the charge in the first area to go live first.  Generally it’s been a success I’d say, but it’s all a bit early to tell whether we can make the significant changes that they need.  I’ve spent the last 3 weeks putting out the fires from the previous regime, as well as dealing with the usual mad panic that all Government Departments go through at this time of the year (being “end of year”).  The usual round of “we’ve got money left over in our budget so we must get it allocated to something…..anything frankly……..so that we don’t lose it” – which was why I spent an interesting couple of hours this afternoon wandering around a Helipad looking at the electrics with one of my electrical engineers, so that he could give this client a quote, so that he could accrue budget for next year !

Another reason that you haven’t been getting your daily (or at least every other day) is that I’m temporarily homeless.  Julian is moving out of his flat tomorrow and I was supposed to be moving into my new apartment (rented by the company) in Madinat Zayed.  However, and I won’t say I told you so (cause I may not have mentioned it actually…..), but the furniture isn’t in yet and won’t be until Thursday, by which time I’ll be in the UK (did I mention that I’m coming home for Christmas ?)  So currently I’m lying on Psycho’s bed in her apartment in MZ staring at my worldly possessions in three boxes and a suitcase.  I should point out that Psycho isn’t here – she’s in Dubai waiting to fly home (she’s flying home on the same day as me………) but she’s kindly agreed to let me sleep here tonight rather than swanning off to AD. 

I met her at Yas Marina Circuit, on Yas Island, just outside AD,

and she gave me the key, and I gave here all the printing she asked me to do for her cause she hasn’t been in the office for three days !  Then we went for coffee in the posh hotel which spans the F1 circuit (which isn’t very well built, in my opinion……..)

and then, because it’s Tuesday, we went out onto the track.  She cycled one way round (44km) and I ran the other way (2 laps – 11km !).  I should point out that this is perfectly normal for a Tuesday and that there are loads of people there and the you’re supposed to go in opposite directions !  It was quite fun really – might do it again soon !

Right, I have to go to bed before I get into any more trouble – I’ve just narrowly avoided exposing myself to some drunk carol singers on Skype, which is always a good moment to go to bed in my opinion !

I’ll take this moment to wish you all a very Happy Christmas and a stunning New Year (just in case I don’t talk to you before next year – cause I’m going home on Thursday and I’m not back until the 2^nd January……did I mention that ?  You can check in every now and then though, you never know, I might have found a spare moment to write some more of this drivel !)

It's Camel Time

I’m back in the desert this week (as I am most weeks), and as you know, we have sand, and we have camels – only for the next 3 weeks we have hundreds, if not thousands, of extra camels.

Because starting on Saturday is the Al Dhafra Camel festival.  The largest camel festival in the Middle East (and therefore, I suspect the World).  The whole place is absolutely plastered with flags of all nationalities, huge tents (that just seem to appear overnight out in the desert), wire fences have gone up everywhere (which have filled up with camels overnight), and the dust – 4,000 4x4s can’t move around at ridiculous speed without creating a bit of dust !

Went for a run out into the desert a couple of nights ago, for the first time in a while, and the change to the landscape is staggering.  There are encampments and camel compounds stretching for miles, all lit up like Christmas trees, music blaring, huge BBQs going, and a constant stream of 4 x 4s thrashing up and down the desert tracks and roads, as well as across the sand in the pitch black (positively dangerous frankly !).

I don’t know what won the “strangest thing to see in the desert” category actually, whether it was the open topped pickup, driving slowly through the desert, with huge speakers strapped to the top, calling out evening prayer – that was a goody, or the other one that caught my eye was the kebab shop that has sprung up about 2k down a desert track, lights, signs, gas, you name it.  Bloody gennies going everywhere – no wonder the UAE has the world’s largest carbon footprint per head !  There was a huge portacabin on the back of a lorry, all covered in tent fabric, that was quite un-usual as well.  Then there’s the mobile petrol station that ADNOC have moved in (quite a sensible move actually, it will stop the great unwashed heading into town).

They are putting up a huge grandstand overlooking the show ring – so that the Sheiks can sit in the shade as the contestants for the Most Beautiful Camel are paraded, measures, and put through their paces (the reason, as I’m sure I’ve told you in the past, that Million Street is called Million Street, is because that is the prize money for the winner of the most beautiful camel contest – about 166k pounds, or so I’m told !)

It all starts on Saturday as I said, and goes on for about 10 days.  I will see a couple of days at least when I’m back down here next week, and I’ll endeavor to remember to take my camera with me so that you can all have the benefit of my experience (you lucky people !)

Other than that I haven’t got a huge amount to tell you – I shall be moving into an apartment in Madinat Zayed next week (with a bit of luck, although I’m not convinced that the furniture will be installed in time) – this is handy as my good and generous friend Julian is moving out of his large apartment in the marina and I won’t have a permanent base in Dubai any longer, so need somewhere to leave my things.

Did I tell you that I’m going home for Christmas, after 3 months away ?  Can’t remember (shrugs), it’s not important really………….I’m sure I’ll fill you in on the details at some point…….

Work has moved on a pace since last week – we’re still putting other peoples fires out, but they not out of control any longer (touch wood……) and I think I can see somewhere in the future, through the trees,  where there’s no smoke…….but it might just be the train coming the other way (mixing my metaphors again !).

Running, jumping, swimming and biking are all going on as normal (although the pool has been drained at the Tilal for cleaning this week, which was a bit of a shock, and not very helpful !) – I’m currently having a mental battle (and I mean currently – I think it’s why I’m typing this instead of actually leaving an empty office to go and do something physical)about whether to award myself a rest day today, after several hard days training, or whether to push out just one more effort to get thin before I go home next week (did I mention that I was going home next week ?).  Apart from one minor calf strain and a few blisters, I have managed to stay fit and healthy whilst losing weight and training harder than I think I have ever done, even whilst I was in the army.  Then again, I’m not likely to do a huge amount whilst I’m at home next week…….did I mention that ?

I think a rest day has finally won the argument – I don’t want to be ill or injured when I get back home next week, and recovery is as an important part of an exercise programme as the exercise itself (I read that somewhere)…….I’ve just checked my training diary and I’ve done 4 hard sessions without a rest, so I should have one ! 

I’m off now that I’ve finished arguing and have successfully beaten myself in a debating contest – sad isn’t it !

Here endeth the lesson !

For those of you not on Facebook

You may be a bit behind the curve as far as my current comings and goings are concerned if you’re not either a) here, or b) on Facebook as one of my millions of friends ……….OK, maybe not millions, but you’re all jolly important !

“I can’t be bothered” doesn’t sound very nice, but it does have a certain ring to it when it comes to me looking up what I wrote last time – I think it was a bastardised version of something from Shakespeare, concerning the likely demise of my good self through alcohol poisoning during the recent Dubai Rugby Sevens (COME ON ENGLAND).  The more observant of you will have already worked out that there’s no way I could have pre-programmed a computer to put this on here without me pushing a few buttons, and therefore that I must have survived.

You’re right and clearly deserve a lollypop or something (I’d say a cigar, but we don’t want to encourage that filthy disgusting habit now do we – we can come back to this subject later if you like !).

The Sevens were astonishing.  It’s the only way to describe something so quintessentially non-Arabic.  It sounds like a strange thing to say but I can’t think of anywhere in the world that I’ve been, for anything, where the event could have been on a different planet and you wouldn’t have known.  What I’m trying to describe is somewhere that was completely and utterly different to the world outside of it.  There wasn’t a hint of the fact that we were in the middle of the Arabian Desert, in fact there was barely an Arab in sight.  The whole place seemed to have been granted some special dispensation with regards to dress and alcohol consumption because I’m guessing that there were getting on for 50,000 people there on at least 2 of the days and all of them were drinking, in public, to excess, and dress decorum had gone right out of the window.  It was a bit like going into a British Embassy in some foreign backwater and finding yourself in the middle of Kensington…….well, sort of, you know what I mean…….(actually, it wasn’t even a tiny bit like that )

Those of you that watched any of it on the television will have been astonished by the number of people that had taken enormous amounts of time and trouble to dress up (not least the group of at least 20 men – and one woman it has to be said, and one of them was in a wheelchair, who had dressed up as cheerleaders and every time the real cheerleaders came out onto the pitch to do some routine or other, they kicked off in the stand.  After the first couple of times the crowd started to notice the fake ones and by the end of the day more people were watching the fake ones than the real ones.  They had even gone to the trouble of learning routines – astonishing, and all fuelled by alcohol in a country where it’s essentially illegal to the vast majority of the population. )

(Roll forward 5 days) I must again apologise – it seems like I’m doing that a lot latterly, for the time it’s taken to write this blog.  It’s the Saturday after the one I’m about to write about and this has been sitting open on my laptop for the best part of a week whilst I try and find time to commit to finishing it.  I’ll explain why time has been an issue over the course of the next page or so but for now, once again, please accept my apologies because you’ve had nothing to go with you coffee this last week (and my family have been using this in an effort to keep up with what’s going on in my life so they will be grateful to know that I’m alive at least……).

To cut a very long story short – Friday got very messy and when I finally woke up on Saturday morning with sand in my ears and a fat lip, drinking was off the agenda for the rest of my life (I’m better now though, you’ll be pleased to know).  It took a few days but I’ve pretty much pieced together the rest of the evening – the sand in my ears was because I was doing the dying fly on the beach at Barasti (obviously !), the fat lip was because I’d fallen down a hole in the pavement and headbutted the curb (I don’t want you to worry about my good looks though, I’m fine now, clearly I bounced !).  I did have to wait until Friday to find out who “Katie Sea Swim” was though……… We’ll gloss over the part about being abandoned on the side of the road by the bus taking us to Barasti when we all got off for a pee……..

I got a text on Thursday from “Katie Sea Swim” regarding our arrangements for our swim on Friday – which was nice……..by Thursday I had started to have some vague memories of agreeing to go for a swim with a friend of a friend of someone’s friend……I just couldn’t remember who, what, why or when !

Katie turned out to be a very nice (if a bit bouncy for 7 on a Friday morning) Australian friend of the Australian girlfriend of a friend of Julian’s (are you keeping up with this ?) and we had a lovely swim around the Hilton’s beach area – I did 4 laps, all front crawl (and so did Katie) and it seems that it’s going to be  regular thing, which is no bad thing from my perspective cause I definitely need an incentive to get out of bed on a Friday morning !  This week was particularly bad because I’d been to the works Christmas party on Thursday night.  However, needing to perform on Friday morning had been a good incentive to be a good boy on Thursday night – and I must say, there’s something quite fun about watching everyone else sink slowly (or not so slowly, in some notable cases) into an alcoholic stupor !

Diversifying slightly (we seem to be working our way back through the week but believe me we’re jumping about all over the place), Secret Santa brought me a traveling flask and two thermal mugs on Thursday night – which was great.  I say Secret Santa in its broadest sense but within 1 min of opening it, Captain Sensible (our Health and Safety Manager) came over to see if I liked the present he had given me and to tell me about how he knew I’d be doing a lot of driving etc. etc. etc. – so much for secret !  Anyway, it’s a great present and a great start to Christmas.

And that’s another thing (diversifying once again), although there’s lots of talk about Christmas here, and there’s wrapping paper in the shops and trees in the malls etc. It all feels a bit token (which I guess it is really).  I was in Barastis on Wednesday and noticed a massive Christmas tree……but that was all.  No other decorations, no crap Christmas music in the background, just a massive decorated tree in a corner and the usual collection of drunk builders and Russian hookers, all in shorts, sipping cider from plastic glasses as the water laps gently against the beach – sorry, drifted off into romantic fiction mode for a second then!

Where was I ? Ah, back to the 7s – On Saturday I picked up a few friends and we headed out again.  I was driving as I was never going to drink again at this point (I’m better now, did I mention that ?) but more importantly, my ace friend Justin, who had flown out from the UK to do a bit of business and was entertaining at the 7s, had offered me a couple of his spare hospitality tickets, which I snapped up. A) it meant that I could sit in the shade all day; and B) I could graze non-stop, all day, on the usual selection of hospitality fare (and jolly nice it was too) .  It did seem a bit of a waste, not drinking free booze all day but I found it surprisingly easy as it happens.  Once again, to cut a very long story short, England won, I had a great time, the atmosphere was brilliant, Psycho liked her cake (she caught on quite quickly that I had free cake and I had to mingle with the great unwashed to deliver a stack to feed her entire extended family – which was nice), Fluffy gave me a massage on the way home (Physiotherapists are born Sadists !) and everything turned out OK in the end (and by Friday I had finally pieced together all of the events of the previous Friday !)

Right, what else has happened – well, the reason I’ve had very little time this week (or inclination, it has to be said) is because my project went live on Sunday.  All the time I’ve been out here so far was to mobilise and to get ready for the great day of 4^th December.  I have to say that I could have been out here for 2 years getting ready rather than 2 months, and it wouldn’t have made an ounce of difference.  There’s never long enough to get ready, not least when you get everything you have been begging for, for the previous 2 months, dumped into your in-box on Sunday morning with demands for responses by Wednesday.  Cutting another very long story short, I’ve picked up all my toys now, and everyone has come out from under their desks – but it remains to be seen if this coming week is any better than the last one.  I drove literally thousands of kilometers this week, to the very outer reaches of the UAE.  At one point I was as close to being in Saudi Arabia as you could be without officially entering the country – I was on a balcony overlooking the immigration hall at the border crossing (we look after various elements of the whole border control area and I was “on tour” inspecting my troops).

On Tuesday morning a friend, Claire, arrived to do some work over here for 10 days.  You might remember that Claire was out here a few weeks ago, before Katy went home.  Claire is in the same group of friends (Wine/Book Club) as Mrs G, Katy and several others that I don’t think I’ve mentioned up to now.  Anyway Claire and I went out for Fish and Chips on Wednesday to catch-up (hence being in Barasi on Wednesday night – a reasonable excuse I think !) and Claire came to the golf with me yesterday because, as she put it, she hadn’t got much else to do and she’s never been to golf before and it’s free, and we came back here and met up with Julian and one of his friends and played pool and stuff, and I cooked a curry, and a jolly good time was had by all !

The golf, for those of you not keeping up with the sporting world, is the culmination of the European Tours whole year – The Race To Dubai, called over here “The Dubai World Championship” which is a bit rich seeing as only the top 60 from the European Tour can play in it.  Talking of rich, the prize money is a staggering $15m (although it might be Euros – in which case it’s even more staggering) – all that, just for waving a stick about……you may have noticed that I haven’t done much stick waving recently, I just haven’t got the time or the money at the moment – Triathlons are quite time consuming actually, and I need a new bike !

Anyway, I think that brings you mostly up to date with my rather uninteresting and generally boring life out here and pretty much all there is to tell you is what’s on the agenda for the next few days – I’m off to Abu Dhabi later (once I’ve been to the gym and had sausage sandwiches for breakfast) to watch F1 Powerboats (not the massive offshore ones that we looked at on the last trip out but the little whizzy ones that race closer to the shore, and because Claire has never been to Abu Dhabi or seen F1 Powerboats, and because she hasn’t got much else to do and because it’s free, she’s coming with me……there’s a pattern emerging here……. I might let her treat me to dinner at the Lebanese Mill later if she behaves herself …….MMMMMM KEBAB !

Then it’s back to the desert tomorrow via Abu Dhabi for a meeting in the morning and to pick up a few people for Induction training for my staff this week.  There are a couple of people coming down that have never been out there before so I’m thinking of dropping them off somewhere and leaving them to see if they can find their way back on their own !  I’ve got training dates fixed with Psycho, which is good as I currently need an incentive to get off my arse most days (I’m writing this now in my running gear because an hours typing looked more attractive than an hours running………) and then it’s just one more weekend before I FLY HOME FOR CHRISTMAS……….I did mention that didn’t I ?

I’m booked on a flight home on the 22^nd and I’ll be back at work in the desert on the 2^nd and I’m jolly well looking forward to it !  I’ve been away for (or will have been by the time I get home) 3 months almost to the day, which is the longest I’ve ever been apart by several weeks.  It should happen like that again but I’m almost over the final hurdle (I’m trying not to think too hard about it – you lot should steel yourselves for a couple of weeks silence when I do go because I’m unlikely to care about writing a blog whilst I’m consuming my own body weight in lard and alcohol !)

The only other news I guess, is that I’ve entered a 10k road race on the 27^th Jan (I think) and an Olympic Triathlon on 3^rd Feb, and with the Abu Dhabi International on the 3^rd March we have a few things to incentivise me to get back to pounding the streets.  On the downside, Psycho is leaving me L She’s off to Australia in mid-January to go back to University for well over a year.  I shall miss her for hundreds of reasons but mostly for nagging my lardy arse into doing something worthwhile with a large portion of my life out here – ironically, she blames me for getting her into Triathlons, but now she wants us to do an Ironman at the end of 2013…….why not, I’m going to die anyway, it might as well be just before my 50^th birthday !

And as they say, “on that bombshell” – I’m off to the gym !