Well, the deed is done……..

(I’ve just come back to the start from the bottom of page three, to warn you that this might be quite a long one……..for those of you reading this at work…….)

As some of you will know I’ve been training for a triathlon for what seems like a million years now, and having entered one in March next year thinking I’d have plenty of time to do even more training (and to save up for my very own bike) I foolishly discovered I could hire  race bike from one of the local shops in Dubai, and therefore promptly got talked into entering the next available Triathlon – which was yesterday.

The more intelligent amongst you will have realised that I’m clearly still alive and able to type.  This, of course, does not mean that I am now a successful Triathlete, or for that matter, simply a Triathlete – this however, does…..

I guess I should do a little more explaining for those of you who are not regular readers, and I should remind you that this is my first experience of such an event (if you don’t count watching the Olympics on the television !) so you’re getting a very first hand view of it all………. 

There are a number of different classes that go on simultaneously at one of these local events – Super Sprint, Sprint and Olympic essentially.  They are all competed for over different distances by different age groups, abilities and sexes, and, with the exception of the Super Sprint – which is generally either an introduction to the sport, has children’s age groups, or is for the more physically challenged (who, to their eternal credit, are trying to do something about that challenge), they start at generally the same time.

They start with a swim, usually open sea water out here, then onto a bike and then off the bike and into a run.  Yesterday (as I suspect at most events) they let the SS get through their swim and out of the water before letting the rest of the masses into the water.  I don’t know, but I’m just guessing that is so small children aren’t killed………which is nice. 

What happens next resembles one of those salmon leaps that you see on nature programmes.  Yesterday they set off the Sprint race 2 minutes before the Olympic.  I guess that this puts at least 2 minutes of clear water between the slowest Sprinters and the fastest Olympians.  This gap lasts for at least 2 minutes but it does at least mean that there aren’t 200 hundred people all trying to get to the first buoy at the same time – which is helpful if it’s your first time !  I have seen my swimming split time but it’s not here in front of me so I can’t tell you exactly what it was……..I can tell you that it was bloody awful though – on the upside, it was less bloody awful than the last open water swim I did (around the Burj Al Arab recently).  I don’t know what it is, whether it’s technique, stamina, sea water, swimming with lots of other people, equipment (I’m going to have to do something about my goggles – I can’t see a bloody thing in those circumstances) but I can churn up and down a pool quite happily for miles (literally) but when I get out into open water at 7.15 in the morning with loads of other people, I’m rubbish !

Still, I’m by no means the worst so I suppose that’s some consolation.  Trouble is, as I’ll explain later, the next time I do this I’m going to have to go twice as far !

Anyway, back to the story – when I had finally negotiated the 750m of sea water, I stagger up the beach and into Transition.  Transition is often called the 4^th element of a Triathlon and there are immense number of opinions (generally the same it has to be said) on what to do and how to do it (just Google it if you don’t believe me !).  It’s also part of your overall time, so logically the faster you do it the quicker your time will be.  You have an allocated space where you put your bike on a rack (it’s not like the Olympics in this sense – you could park a caravan in the space they get allocated. You can barely lay your shoes out next to your bike in ours !) and you lay out all your needs for the next two phases next to your bike.

These include obvious things like your running shoes, and less obvious things like a bottle of water to douse your feet with to get the sand off them after you come up the beach and before you put your bike shoes on.  Now I hear you asking why I’m not talking about anything to do with the bike phase – good question.  That’s because I decided to follow some of the internet advice and pretty much everything I needed for the bike phase was attached to the bike, or sitting on the bike.  So what happens is essentially as follows:

I stagger into transition, trying not to fall over anyone else’s crap, making sure I run over the timing mat, and trying to locate my bike in amongst all the others whilst wiping salt water out of my eyes. I have a pretty good idea where it is because I’ve been and stood in the entrance before the race and “visualised” it (don’t knock it – it works).  As soon as I get to my bike I grab the face towel that’s sitting on top of my bike and wipe the water out of my eyes whilst wiping my feet on the towel on the floor.  Grab the water bottle and spray water all over my feet to wash the rest of the sand off.  Race number belt around my waist, sunglasses on, helmet on and buckled up (important, you’re not allowed to move your bike until you have a buckled helmet on, otherwise you’re disqualified).  Then you grab your bike and run to the exit of Transition…….what about your shoes I hear you cry – Ah, here’s the cunning bit.  I have proper racing triathlon bike shoes (I won’t waste time telling you how much they cost dear……) and they are already attached to the pedals (which are cunningly fixed into a particular location to stop the shoes dragging on the ground, by a weak elastic band – the pedals that is, not the shoes).

You run with your bike, out of transition and past the “mounting line” (mount before this and you’re disqualified), leap onto your bike whilst you’re still running (you have to be there…….) and start pedalling (the weak elastic band breaks easily and away you go).  Only when you’re up to speed do you reach down and put your shoes on and do up the big Velcro straps.  It takes practice but bloody hell, it’s amazing when it all comes together !  Again, I haven’t got the numbers in front of me but I was not much over 30 seconds from coming in to going out…….pretty cool I thought, although to be fair, I have nothing to judge it against !

For me, the bike phase seems easy and my time reflected that – I flew around the 24km that we had to do (3 laps of the same circuit).  It’s at this point that everything starts to get a little confusing for the first timer.  Coming out of transition is all a bit of a blur and you’re concentrating on your own needs (like not falling off your bike whilst trying to jump on at a run and looking like a complete prat !) and are generally oblivious to anything else going on around you.  As you settle into a rhythm and get your breath back, your body has stopped complaining about using another set of muscles so quickly and you’ve washed the disgusting taste of sea water out of your mouth, you start to notice what’s going on around you.  The reality is that I then started aiming to catch people I could see in front of me. 

These could be SS riders or competitors from the Sprint, but as everyone has their race number and their age drawn onto their arm and their leg (in permanent marker it turns out…….I wonder how long I’m going to have to wear this badge of honour for – I’m off to the pool shortly to show it off……).  The race number is for the officials and the age, I guess, is for our benefit when it comes to working out who our competition is.  Frankly, apart from checking out the girls to assist in developing an opinion, it’s useless.  By the time I was into my third lap on the bike, the road is a mass of very slow SS riders just finishing their bike phase, all of the Sprint competitors and all of the Olympic riders going at various speeds.

I was caught by the first Olympic riders well into my third (and last) lap, and I was flying.  The Olympic event is for the serious competitor at this level, as well as the “fun runners”, don’t get me wrong, but it’s as long and as fast as you can go at this level without stepping up too much bigger things.  Some of these people are obviously doing some very serious training, as well as spending serious money on equipment.  It’s no disgrace to be overtaken by someone that’s already swum twice as far as you when they are riding bikes that cost more than most cars that I’ve owned.  In my defence I was only caught by about 4 of them and I overtook one of them shortly afterwards before I had to come into transition to go out on the run. 

T2 (as it’s known – I know all the jargon now !) is the same as T1 in many respects.  I have practiced taking off my shoes whilst still riding, breaking sharply at the dismount line (or guess what……you’re disqualified !) and running almost before my feet have touched the ground (I got a round of applause from the spectators for my dismount – I take that as a big complement…..we won’t let on that I did it way more quickly than I’d planned and that my legs nearly collapsed under me……).  Run back to your station (having been to the entrance before the race and “visualised” the route in – don’t knock it, it works)hang your bike on the bars by the brake leavers, helmet off, glasses off, trainers on and away.  The trainers have elastic laces and a mixture of Vaseline and talc inside them (not mixed together, just put in different places !).  I do all of this without socks but my feet are a mess, but the talc dries up most of the sweat and the Vaseline goes some way to dealing with potential blisters), and with a bit of practice slip straight on and are incredibly comfortable to run in.  Never again will I have proper laces in trainers !

Both of my transitions, added together, totalled not much more than a minute so I was really pleased.

Once you get out on the run (5km for me) you tend to have a bit of space because the Olympic guys have still got another 2 laps to go on the bike and the SS have generally finished (because they only had one lap of the bike course to do) so you can just settle into trying to catch whoever’s in front of you, knowing that unless they are running incredibly slowly, or are a small child of some sort, that they are actually in your race, and once you get close enough you can see if they are in your age group.  I should explain that there is no overall winner in the Sprint, just age group classifications, which is nice.

To be fair, at this point I wasn’t really racing anyone as I know from training that the first 1000m is a battle with my body which is complaining bitterly about having to use yet another set of muscles in such a short space of time.  For those of you that are interested, the trick is to take shorter faster strides whilst you’re having this battle.  For me, I always start to get tight calf muscles early in the run as well but I get over this quite quickly, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not uncomfortable !  The run is over all to quickly really.  According to my timesheet, unrealistically quickly.  There are several other people with the same problem so there must have been some sort of glitch with all the electronics, so we’ll never know what my actual run time was, and therefore what my overall time was !

hen all of a sudden, it’s all over.  There are lots of people all crossing the line together, slow one’s from the SS and quick one’s from the Sprint, as well as the faster Olympic competitors on the course (they do 2 laps of the run and turn around just before the finish line to start their second lap).  You get a medal and a cold towel, a drink and that’s it – finished.  You’re officially a Triathlete (if it’s your first time).

After that I just wandered about a bit, got a drink, got changed, packed up, blah blah blah.  Trouble was, as I’d gone with Psycho I couldn’t even contemplate leaving until she’d finished, and as she was going twice as far as I was logic suggested I was going to have to wait twice as long as I had raced (a little less than that as it turned out – she was so quick that she was second overall in the Women’s Olympic – where they do have overall winners as well as age group competitions….well done her.  I was very proud of her…..I taught her everything I know as it happens……….). 

The upshot of all the hanging around was that I felt a bit of a fraud only doing the Sprint.  If I’m honest, apart from a few individual moments around the edges of transition it hadn’t been that much of a challenge – don’t get me wrong though, I’d have been a fool to have gone straight into an Olympic distance without doing what I did first, and having that line in the sand will always be something to look back on, but I’ve already changed my mind about the next one.  It was going to be a Sprint in February but I’m afraid it has to be an Olympic now.  I’m already entered for the Abu Dhabi International Sprint in March but that doesn’t really count because it’s got a 50km bike ride (unlike the normal 20km), but I’m retiring from Sprints whilst I’m ahead – As it happens, it was a good thing that Psycho was so good because it hadn’t been our intention to stay for the prize giving, and if we hadn’t then I would never have found out that I’d won my age group……….

Here I am looking slightly embarrassed by it all as I wasn’t paying any attention to what was going on until I heard my name -  I had to hand over all the things I was holding (the camera, for Psycho’s presentation) and put a shirt on.  They gave me the wrong medal as well, but hey ho, who cares – onwards and upwards.

So that’s it, my first Triathlon.  Bit of a blur really, followed by a long period of inactivity and sore shoulders, but a great experience none the less.  I’m off to the pool now with my training book to start planning my assault on the Olympic distance – but I want there to be no illusions about me setting out to win anything at this distance, I’m already just thinking about just getting round (just getting out of the water actually…………)

Happy Days

You know when they say "I love it when a plan comes together” – well, that was last night !

To make a short story longer, we have to go back a few months (when the plan hadn’t even been thought of) to my previous job working out here in the desert.  As most of you will know, and if you don’t then it’s time to go back and read the previous blog, I lived here in the Tilal Liwa Hotel (where I am writing this at the moment) for about the first 5 months of this year, working on a contract which was part of a much larger contract for one of the Government departments here (The Department of Municipal Affairs – sounds grand but is essentially the local council run on a national level).

I was covering the Facilities Management workstream and was working as part of the Support Services Directorate (which included other stuff such as IT, HR, Procurement, Accounts, and for some strange reason, PR & Comms).  Alongside of Support Services were a series of other local council type directorates such as Land and Property Registration, Customer Services etc. etc. etc.  Parks and Recreation was a Directorate all on its own, which will give you some idea of the importance they attach to their parks over here – they also had the largest budget of any of the departments within the whole ministry………where that money went was anyone’s guess but Internal Audit were scrutinising their expenditure with a fine toothcomb when I left………. Anyway, Bayleaf (as in Bayleaf the Gardener) was the Subject Matter Expert (SME) for Parks and Recreation as I was the SME for FM.  His real name was Ian as well, and I’m certain he features in some of my adventures from the last blog.  He was the one that organised the BBQ in the desert and who came with me and the Physiotherapists to the largest sand dune in the world, so I know he’s in there somewhere…….

Anyway, where was I, oh yes, the plan – for a number of reasons Parks and Recreation didn’t get fully completed at the end of the contract (I had already left by then, but I believe that the client simply didn’t want the final aspect of the training which was scheduled, and that Ramadan had just started which was complicating things beyond practicalities) and Ian was paid and packed off.  This was in July or August and it’s taken until November for the powers that be summon Bayleaf back to finish his task (apparently the Municipality decided that Parks & Recreation didn’t have a choice !).  Bayleaf flew into Dubai last week and arrived back in the desert yesterday.  I knew all of this because I’d kept in touch with him, and with a number of other people who I have lived and worked with during that contract, especially the Arabic members of the team.  They, the Arabic members that is, are generally still around in one form or another (I’ve just got one of them a job with my new company, and I’m lining up another one as we speak) and one of them has been asked to be Bayleaf’s Arabic support for his month back in the sand.  It just so happens that she lives near me in Dubai (she’s the one who’s wedding party I went to when I got back here) and because I’ve been back and forward from Abu Dhabi and Dubai, I’ve been giving her a lift when she’s needed to go to Abu Dhabi to sort out this piece of work.

So I’ve been in touch with all of the details of Bayleaf’s visit……….. We just haven’t told him (can you see where we’re going with this now ?).  Now Bayleaf knew I was back in the Middle East because we regularly communicate via e-mail and Linked IN, and he had some idea that I was working on a contract in Abu Dhabi, what he didn’t know was that I was back in the Western Region and that I was staying in the Tilal Liwa at the same time as he was……….until last night that is.

Everyone had promised to not to let on that I was going to be here as well and Rasha (his Arabic support) texted me to let me know his whereabouts towards the end of the day so I could pick the best moment.  I went for a swim with Psycho (90 lengths – 2250m ! Awesome……except I’m supposed to be winding down for the race on Friday !) and then went for dinner.  As I got around towards the restaurant I could see Rasha, and a couple of other ex-colleagues, in the bar, and there, with his back perfectly facing me, was Bayleaf !  It couldn’t have been simpler to sneak up behind him and whisper something in his ear – I won’t tell you what that was because there are children that read this blog and this was part of a very adult conversation !

I couldn’t see his face but I’m told that it was the proverbial picture.  All the others around the table had played their part and we had got him !  Afterwards, when we were talking later in the evening, he said that a lot of other niggling things fell into place at that moment, and things suddenly made sense – I remember the same feeling when Mrs G had organised a surprise party for my grown-up graduation way back when (never do that to me again by the way !), but the whole thing was perfect.  We had man hugs and back slapping and all that stuff when you realise you’ve been the victim, and later we raked over the coals of the sting in glorious detail as we sat and caught up on the past few months – happy days.

We will do it all again with wine in a few days but until after the race on Friday I’m being a good boy (well, that’s the theory anyway !)

Sorry - Again.........

I’m getting very lazy with this blog thing, and for that I apologise.  If you want anything doing then clearly you will have to do it yourself !  To be fair (to me obviously, I’m not all that interested in your problems), I have been busy – generally with work and travelling, but specifically with the whole training thing.  I know it all sounds a bit woosy but I’m trying to take this triathlon thing seriously !

I was trying to explain to Psycho a few days ago that this is actually quite a big thing for me – it’s about 12 years since I’ve entered a race of any description and whilst I don’t harbour any realistic intentions of winning, I have no intention of making a fool of myself.  So I want to do the right thing essentially.  I’ve trained hard, I’m generally eating sensibly, I’ve barely had a drink this week (and not much last week – and the intention is to have nothing next week), I’ve even stopped smoking for the run up to the event (next Friday in case you’d forgotten).  I want to be as fit and healthy as I can be !  I don’t really have any worries about getting round because I know I can do the three different distances easily enough, and I know I can get off a bike after 20km and run for 5, it’s just all the other little niggly things – getting a puncture is my current worry (as that’s all people seem to talk about over here……still, I didn’t have much to worry about before so it’s nice to have something !).  She’s been off running a half-marathon this morning so I’m not altogether sure that she gets it, but at least she’s indulging me – which is nice !

Anyway, enough of that – I did a 1200m sea swim today, in 4 x 300m intervals.  I have to do intervals in the sea because it’s quite shallow for a fair way out and then it’s quite dangerous if you go too far out, with tides and speedboats, so consequently you can’t swim all the way around a square, you have to do three sides and then run (or in my case, walk) along the beach to complete the square.  You can’t actually swim safely in many places along the beach here as there’s speedboats, and jet skis and jellyfish, and sharks, so it’s generally better to stay in one designated area……….. well, that’s the story I’m using, and I’m sticking to it !

I’m going to run the Marina in the morning, which was 8.4km last time I did it (so I don’t suppose it’s changed much !) and then tomorrow afternoon I will pick up my hire bike to take down to the desert and then race on.  I’ll take that out to do about 25km on Sunday night and then start relaxing a little bit and practicing the mechanics of transition (look it up !) and then a rest day on Thursday (as usual) followed by getting up at 4.30 to get to the course, check-in, set-up, warm-up (and probably throw up !) and a scheduled start time of 0715hrs and with a bit of luck and a fair wind, a finish time of less than one and a half hours later – be assured, you will find out soon after I do !

Apart from that, life carries on at its usual pace – last night I borrowed Julian’s Porsche and took a friend to meet the chap who took me to the Grand Prix last week before he flies out.  He was meeting his friends and wives etc. in a bar in one of the poshest hotels in Dubai – the Address Downtown.  This bar looks out over the fountains in front of the Burj Khalifa and the Dubai Mall, a pretty spectacular setting when all said and done, so arriving in a Porsche seemed the right thing to do.  The valets took it off to some garage somewhere rather parking it next to the Bugatti Veyron, the Rolls Royce Silver Shadow or the McLaren Mercedes which were parked outside the front door (a cumulative cost, conservatively, of around a million pounds – answers on a postcard please…..)  We were a bit necky actually as we went straight through the bar and down some steps to the Mall where we went to get something to eat.  We did sneak back into the hotel for a drink and to get our Valet ticket stamped, so that we could get the car back for free.  Next time I’m not going to bother having the drink !

Ok, I’m struggling with anything else that might interest you so I’m off to microwave some defrosted curry that I got out this morning and to see if there’s anything remotely interesting on the 700 odd channels that we have on the telly here (I’m not holding out a lot of hope to be honest !)

I’ll try and check in sometime in the week rather than leave it nearly a week again, which is not fair I understand.  I’d appreciate a few more followers please – I’d especially like to meet my regular Russian reader and anyone in the US, who’s not called Kristine, who’s following this – and then next week we can try and see who’s following in Germany and Australia (which will be nice !).  We’re currently at 328 views so clearly someone is watching me !

TTFN & COYS

Sorry – I thought I’d done more !

I’ve just checked to see what my last post was and it seems it was an age ago.  I know how some of you like to get to work on a Monday and then do very little except drink coffee and see what I’ve been up to over the weekend – no wonder the European economy is so far up shit creek…..get a grip and get back to work !

As you know, I was due to swim around the Burj Al Arab hotel on Friday.  Well, all went to plan and the swim was successfully completed in just over 15 mins (I finished 212^th out of 678 which I guess wasn’t too bad).  My time was a little disappointing (beaten by Psycho by 3 minutes….this is going to have to stop !) but I suppose I now have a line in the sand to judge several other things by, not least I’m now able to try and estimate a target time for the Triathlon next week (I’ve agreed a target time with Psycho but secretly I’m trying to beat her first ever Sprint Triathlon time – I fear it’s all going to end in tears but we have to try !) – before I had no idea what my swim time might be.  I’ve always been able to have a guess at the bike and the run because of the work I’ve done on equipment in the gym and using my satnav thingy when I’ve been out in the desert.

Anyway – moving on.  The rest of Friday was a bit more relaxed and I even took myself to the cinema for something to do – saw Tower Heist, which was all right I suppose, slightly disappointing ending but you can’t have everything.  There didn’t seem much of a choice at my local cinema so I just had to go with the flow !  The best thing about Friday was getting back from the cinema and discovering that my Le Mans friend Greg had a spare ticket for the F1 practice and qualifying at Yas Marina Circuit in Abu Dhabi for the next day – Hurrah !  (This picture is for the two Js, Justine & Justin !)

Greg is over here staying with some friends in Dubai specifically for the Grand Prix and due to a slightly complicated scenario involving changed flights for somebody else’s in-laws it meant that someone wasn’t going to go to the Qualifying and therefore if I could be somewhere at 9.30 then I was welcome to join them.  And join them I did !

Those of you that follow these things will know that the race takes place at dusk here (all to do with making sure that you Europeans get your television coverage at around 1pm on a Sunday) and as it gets dark here in about 10 minutes they run the qualifying over the same period so that everyone gets used to the conditions.

To sum up, been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt, so a BIG thank you to all concerned.

Yesterday saw a long day with the drive to Abu Dhabi city for a meeting at 0930hrs (due to finish at 1100hrs which lasted until nearly 2) and then a long drive out into the desert to stay at the Tilal for most of the week – where mercifully I seem to have excellent internet access for a change.  Last night I arrived, unpacked jumped onto a bike and did 20k around the camel track and back just to remind my legs what they’d been missing.  I don’t think I’d been on a proper bike for a good few months (just gym kit) so it was a good opportunity.  I can’t remember if I’d mentioned that I’d discovered that I could rent a road bike from one of the shops in Dubai and therefore I’ve entered a Triathlon on the 25^th and hired a bike for that, and the week before the race so that I can get used to it.

I’m bringing the bike down to the desert next week for an acclimatisation session (along with my whizzy new triathlon cycling shoes – I could spend an entire blog telling you about those……..but I’m not sure you’d be all that interested…….).  I have all sorts of things I need to practice, such as the two transitions involving bikes – which make such a difference in time saved if you get them right, and can be humiliating if you get them wrong !  So can’t wait for that actually.

This week will see a ramping up of training followed by “tapering off” next week in the run up to completion next week.  I was explaining my training plan to Psycho last night and she was very dismissive (very rude !), I think the concept of tapering for a Sprint Triathlon wouldn’t cross her mind – she’s doing the Olympic distance next week and her idea of winding down for that is a half marathon on Friday !  I’m absolutely determined to beat her fair and square one day, without any excuses, it’s one of my big motivators – and be assured that you well be one of the first to find out when it happens !  I haven’t really got long though cause she’s off to Australia towards the end of January to go back to University for a year so it may all have to be done on paper !

Right – time to upload and go for breakfast cause like it or not, I have to do some work at some point !

Evening All

Before I forget, and it’ll be at least twice that I’ve forgotten so far, could we have a few more followers please – you know what I’m like, what with my insecurity an all………  As a matter of interest we are at nearly 290 page views since I started this story nearly 6 weeks ago.  We have regular views from Russia, the USA, UK and UAE.  We also get the odd random – one from Germany this week, and one from Australia last week.  So, you can understand that I’m slightly curious to know who is reading this largely pointless rambling…….I mean, apart from my family obviously !

The crappy UK weather and the 4 hour time difference are making communications very difficult at the moment, what with Mrs G working her thick woolly socks off and the little Gs doing all manner of extra-curricular activity, and the fact that I’m going to bed earlier and earlier for any number of reasons (we’ll gloss over last Friday I think !) and the blog is fast becoming the only way to actually tell anyone what I’m doing with all my spare time !

I think I left off last time having told you about my next adventure (on Friday) which is a swimming race around the Burj Al Arab –

It’s 800m (apparently) all the way around, which shouldn’t pose too much of a problem for a racing snake like me (I’m pretty confident that I’ll make it all the way around without too much difficulty, it’s just how quickly is the question.

One of the reasons I’m doing it is because it’s pretty close to the open water Triathlon swim that I’ll have to do in sprint races, and as I’ve never raced in open water before it’s a good opportunity to find out what it’s like, and to get a handle on the sort of time I can expect.

I’ve got a pretty good idea about 20k on a bike and a 5k run but this is a bit of an oddity because although I can replicate the distance in a pool (in the same way I can replicate the other two in a gym) it’s completely different swimming in open water (as I discovered earlier this week – and thank you Psycho for insisting that I had a go before the actual race, and then challenging me to have another go while she was up a mountain somewhere).  It’s also completely different swimming 800m straight off because in a pool you at least get a break every 25m as you turn – so all in all it’ll be an interesting experience !

I’ve even given up smoking for the week to see if it makes a difference on Friday (I’ve done really well and not killed anyone so far !).  I think I must have been ready because apart from a couple of bad hours it’s all been relatively easy.  I’ve also generally given up drinking as well, but that’s more of a practical thing as there’s nothing but hard liquor in the apartment and I haven’t had a car to get to the off-licence.  However………

That’s all changed (or is about to anyway).  Today I finally got my hire car and tomorrow I’m driving to the office in Abu Dhabi and then to the off-licence, and then, if I’ve got time, to Ikea (which is sort of on the way back).  I need a rug for the floor in my bedroom, a medium sized saucepan and a casserole dish……. I can all here you shouting “why do you need a casserole dish Ian” – well, I’m glad you asked me that, because now that winter has set in here with a vengeance (the temperature during the day has plummeted to a staggering 28 degs….. and I dare not tell you that I had to put long trousers on a couple of nights ago to go to the local beach bar……) I feel like some comfort food.  That, coupled with the fact that Psycho said that her favourite dish of all time was lamb shanks, mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables, has given me a burning desire to eat something other than curries, chilli and steak (not forgetting the ever present flapjacks).  So it’s off to Ikea to get a casserole dish…… as you do !

On a slightly different, but strangely related note (Ikea is bang next door to Yas Marina Circuit – the venue for this weekend’s F1 race), I haven’t, so far at least, managed to blag any tickets for the qualifying on Saturday (I’ve got a very busy day at work on Sunday so I’ve written off any chance of going to the actual race) but we live in hope.  I was, however, handed my tickets for the Dubai Sevens today – Hurrah.  Apparently it’s a company treat and they give all of their staff a ticket for both days (I’m also taking my landlord and his boss because there’s a possible JV opportunity between our two companies…….and I owe him a few favours……  So there’s that to look forward to.  And as if that wasn’t enough, the week afterwards “The Race Too Dubai” arrives in town.  It’s the culmination to the European Golf Tour where the top 60 shoot it out for some obscene amount of money, and I get to watch (I discovered yesterday) for free !  As with a lot of things over here, they let the riffraff in for nothing – which is nice……. Of course, there is the usual opportunity to spend 400 quid and drink yourself in a blind stupor……but I think, just for a change, I might just take the free option and go and watch the golf !

And on that happy note I’m off to see why my phone is making so many funny noises and quite possibly go to bed early….. just for a change you see…….

The taste of sea water is disgusting………..

Now some of you may be wondering how this relates to anything logical in my life, and some of you will just be waiting, with a certain amount of resignation, for the next tragic episode to unfold……… Hang on a minute whilst I go and check where I left off the last time….

Ah, right, some time ago actually – well, work carried on a pace down in the desert and eventually I came back to Dubai (that pretty much covers Tuesday to Thursday).  I’ve had a bit of trouble trying to get a car sorted out for a variety of reasons but mostly because of the incompatibility of credit cards etc.  The whole thing petered out on Thursday night with me throwing toys all over the floor and everyone at the end of a phone leaving for a very long holiday (it’s Eid here, or Eid Two as it’s colloquially known – Eid One is at the end of Ramadan as a celebration of some kind……I’ll get back to you on the detail at some point).  Generally everyone is off until Tuesday (from Thursday last week) but Government workers get an extra day and don’t return until Wednesday, and as both of my offices are in Government buildings I shall be working from home on Tuesday !

The end of the car scenario is that the Office Manager at work is going to sort it all out for me when we get back on Wednesday so with a bit of luck (InchAllah – If Allah wills it) I’ll have a car by the weekend.  As I’m almost certainly heading back to the desert on Sunday I shall definitely need one at that point.

On Thursday night I went to one of Dubai’s posher hotels for a drink with colleagues from work – quite why we went there I’m not sure but the big boss was in a very good mood and picked up most of the tab so the evening was very pleasant from that perspective.  Actually, whilst I think about it, there’s something else that’s worth a mention.  I’m becoming a big fan of my company, and the people that work for it.  After we left the posh hotel we walked through their beach front garden and into Barasti next door (some of you will know that Barasti is probably my favourite bar in Dubai) where it was decided that we should have a whip rather than try and buy rounds or individual drinks, so we all put AED 100 in and someone took charge and organized the drinks etc.  I decided to head home at this point (whilst I was tired but relatively sober) and didn’t give much more thought to the whip but on Friday I went out for Brunch with the same group (I’ll come back to Brunch in a minute) and despite the -fact that the person who originally held the whip wasn’t there, the remainder of it was produced and used to pay the taxi fees for the ride over to brunch - I was mightily impressed !

Right, back to Brunch – Dubai has developed a phenomenon around eating and drinking as much as you can for a fixed price over a certain number of hours…..Brunch.  Brunch generally takes place at hotels and what you get is generally characterised by what you pay.  If you want Champagne and lobster in an up-market hotel then you’re going to have to pay AED 600 (about 100 quid to most of us) and upwards, but remember, that basically buys you as much champagne as you can drink, and as much lobster as you can eat between the hours of 12 & 4 (generally).  Obviously this is only part of the fare on offer but you know what I mean – you could probably drink beer and eat bread rolls for the same money……..but why would you ! 

As most of you will know, I’m not a champagne (don’t like it so don’t drink it) or lobster (can’t see what all the fuss is about) sort of guy, so you might not be surprised to know that I find the other end of the market much more attractive.  I’ve only been to one Brunch before (when a friend invited me to his birthday celebration much earlier in the year) and I really enjoyed it, and I think it only cost about AED 275 and I think I got value for money that day.  So to be invited to one that only cost AED 169seemed like a good idea to me……..I think we can all guess where this is going can’t we……. Those of you that are my friends on Facebook will have witnessed the carnage created by deep desire to get as much value from AED 169 as possible – why oh why can’t there be some kind of competency test that you have to pass before you are allowed to put anything on Facebook is beyond me……….I’m also not sure what the chicken had to do with anything at gone Midnight…….again, we’ll put that one down as another story I think.  Suffice to say, I was awake at 1230 not because I had managed to stay out that long after starting at 12 midday but because I had folded dramatically at 7.30 and gone to bed, then woke up as fresh as a daisy just as everyone else was going to bed (I did get back to sleep though you’ll be glad to hear…..about another 4 times between then and 4 on Friday afternoon !)

What’s all this got to do with sea water I hear you ask……and I’m glad you asked, but you’ll just have to remain patient if you don’t mind.  During my drunken ramblings Psycho pops up on Facebook, which was a bit of a surprise because she was supposed to be in Nepal (her flight had been delayed for 19 hours and as she was only going for 48hrs she decided that it wasn’t really worth the trouble) – anyway, she pops up and asks me if I’m still thinking of doing the Burj swim (which is 800m around the Burj Al Arab hotel – which sits on little man-made island just off the coast here.  The Burj Al Arab is the very famous and iconic sail shaped hotel which everyone has seen a picture of at some point).  Well, you can imagine, in my weakened state I openly stated that I would if she would and then tried to book it for both of us right there and then – fortunately an IT/ Strongbow conflict prevented me from doing anything to stupid but to cut a long story short, I booked it the next morning.  I hate swimming and I really hate swimming in the sea so why did I book myself onto something as stupid as this !

The real reason I guess, is that if I’m going to take this bloody Triathlon thing seriously then I need to get used to swimming in the sea (or at least what they call “open water”) and I have to be able to swim at least 750m so I might as well test myself under these conditions – I’m also a little bit nervous about actually lining up with some of these people who are probably super fit and are going to leave me trailing in their wake (literally).  Once again, to cut a very long story short Psycho took me out for a sea swim this morning to get me used to the whole scenario – and I can tell you, it’s horrid !  It’s the greatest incentive to swimming fast and getting out of there, that I can think of and the sooner it’s over the better.  I’ve promised her that I’ll go out again on Tuesday morning for another 3 laps of her course so that I’ll be even more ready for Friday than I am now – but it’s going to take one hell of a lot of will power to get up on Tuesday morning and get down to the beach before the crowds arrive…..I’m sure you can’t wait to hear how I’m going to fair, both on Tuesday and Friday.

Apart from all of that, fake bag shopping with Katy and Psycho last night, trying to give up smoking again – at least for a while, lots of cooking and stuff (Julian’s taken to calling me Dobbie) I haven’t got much to report……..well, I probably have but I just can’t remember most of it – I did meet an ex-Wales and British Lion rugby player in Barasti’s last night (we were on our way back from bag shopping and went to meet Julian – there’s definitely something about turning up stone cold sober in a bar like Barasti, at midnight which takes away some of the magic !  All of last night is a story in itself I can tell you, but that will have to wait for another day as well) needless to say, the rugby player could barely stand up, never mind hold a coherent conversation, so I didn’t get the chance to discuss anything of any interest with him – but he’s a friend of a friend so I’m sure that they’ll be other opportunities.

Right, I’m off to make a curry for the freezer and I’ve just realized that we’re into the third page so you must be bored rigid by now – TTFN.

Back In The Desert………

On Sunday I arrived back at the Tilal Liwa Hotel just outside Madinat Zayed in the Western Region of Abu Dhabi, in the UAE, which is a very long way of saying that I’m back where it all started in January (if you don’t count Iraq last year that is….

Those that followed my deranged ramblings last year will be familiar with the comings and goings of my daily routine, which, despite the fact that I’ve changed companies and roles, hasn’t really changed that much whilst I’m here.  I get up, make the most of the only decent internet access you get here all day, I have breakfast, do Sudoku, drink coffee, drive to Madinat Zayed, annoy people, have lunch (I had a falafel from my old shop yesterday, much to my new colleagues disgust……Arabs, you just can’t tell them !), annoy some more people and then I come back to the hotel.  When I get here I try in vain to access the internet, then go to the gym or to the pool, then eat, then write my blog (cause I haven’t anything else to do with no internet) then bed.

Luckily, this time I’m only here for 3 nights, not 3 months, otherwise the internet thing would drive me bonkers.  I think it’s worse because I’m in one of the back rooms, with wonderful view over the desert and the staff accommodation, but no direct access to the pool and I suspect the wifi transmitter thingy is in the centre of the hotel and therefore has more concrete to penetrate before it gets to me.  I do have a signal of sorts but there’s a bandwidth problem here and it’s simply full up in the evenings and the weaker signals are simply dumped I suspect.

Nothing much has changed here.  Some of the staff don’t seem to be around anymore, there’s new Bulgarian beauties singing (and playing the saxophone) in the bar.  The food seems to have improved with more variety and they finally seem to have worked out how to cook meat.  Breakfast is still a bit dire but I don’t think you can expect much from a breakfast without any dead pig in it (and they seem to have stopped doing peanut butter for some reason – I might have to bring my own next time)

The gym seems to have less tattooed Italian oil workers than when I left, or they’re different, or they go in at a different time or something……whatever, it’s a slightly more enjoyable experience at the moment.  There are some down sides though. Today I got back early enough to go out and catch a few rays…….only they'd gone within 20 minutes of me getting there.  You see when I left at the end of June, the sun disappeared over the back of the hotel at about 6.15, now it’s gone by 5.15, which is not helpful if you want an hours panic tanning at the end of the day without any cream on !

Around and about nothing much has changed really, a few building sites have progressed a little but the rest of Madinat Zayed (and some of the other places I visited in the last two days) seem to be stuck in a time warp – nothing wrong with that I guess.  I even went to pay my respects to my old client here in MZ today, out of courtesy more than anything, and he was always a good source of information and gossip.  Poor old boy was a bit under the weather – literally. He was full of cold like symptoms and said that he gets like this every year as the weather gets cooler…….. I can see his problem, the temperature has “plummeted” to chilly 35 degs during the day and a positively frosty 20 degs at night…… if it keeps going like this I may even have to look out some long trousers - the buggers don't know they've been born !

Last night I took advantage of the chilly weather to go for a run in the desert with Psycho, which was nice.  What was really nice was that for the first time in living memory I beat her !  I have to say that she was slightly handicapped by getting off her bike after a 25k ride before discovering that she’d left her trainers at home and deciding to run in her work boots, but we’re going to ignore those trivial issues and get on with gloating that I beat her (I’m pretty sure that she hasn’t been reading the blog for a while, and almost certainly not the new one, so I might be safe from any retribution……… which would be nice !)

I got ticked off for not going to see her at work yesterday as I spent most of the afternoon (as I have for all the time I’ve been at work down here) inspecting the school that she works in.  In my defense I’ve never been entirely comfortable in an all girls’ school, despite what people might think (me, the Third Duke of Wimborne, in an all girls’ dormitory, at three o’clock in the morning, with my reputation……?).  Walking around these schools is made immeasurably worse by having to talk to the cloth.  Most, if not all, of the staff completely cover themselves when they are in your company and it’s a little disconcerting to try and have a conversation with a talking black wall.  Watching the “shy” school girls rushing to cover up is also quite amusing but we won’t go there !  Today I was way out in the sticks where I expected it to be even more traditional (I don’t know where you go from a fully covered face – shouting between rooms perhaps ?) but it was much more relaxed – the schools was still a badly maintained ancient shit hole, but then you can’t have everything.

It’s worth mentioning that I haven’t been in a school in the last few days, and I don’t think it will change for a while, that I wouldn’t have closed down in the UK……if the HSE hadn’t have got there before me.  It’s also worth mentioning that with one exception (which felt like a borstal) they have all had a really nice friendly feeling about them – God only knows what some of the boys schools will be like !  One of them today hasn’t had a working fire alarm for 4 years ffs !  Things are going to change around here whether they like it or not !  When I suggest to the Principle of this particular school, that I could shut down her school for her on about 4 different counts and that the Department for Education would then have to sit up and listen to her needs, she was horrified and point blank refused to let me because it would damage her reputation – poor woman.  My Arab colleague suggested in the car on the way back, that my European direct approach may not go down well here, and that a more soft approach might be a better way……… he did concede that 4 years of trying softly to get the fire alarm system working may not have worked either so we’re going to try and find some middle ground……. And I’m going to jump up and down on the subcontractors instead !

I’m off to bed now and I can’t be arsed to do anything about any kind of inventory (we’ve covered some of it already tonight) but be assured that you’re not missing anything really……TTFN